tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987958311213810613.post6126629414946388613..comments2024-02-09T11:51:09.364-05:00Comments on On Loan From Heaven: What NOT To Say: A TutorialUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987958311213810613.post-7614516916583050782011-04-18T17:00:33.526-04:002011-04-18T17:00:33.526-04:00I love your blog and your willingness to share you...I love your blog and your willingness to share your journey. We will be praying for you and the birth-parents of Baby Smith #2 or 3 :) <br /><br />We struggled with infertility for 4 years. We were blessed to be successful with our one and only shot chance at IVF and got PG.<br /><br />This one did not apply to us but...you have one beautiful child, why struggle for more.Mary Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11760054151155410106noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987958311213810613.post-56113044562178431812011-02-11T21:19:27.212-05:002011-02-11T21:19:27.212-05:00What I have read here resonates in my heart becaus...What I have read here resonates in my heart because I have SO been there. We have 2 adopted kiddos, heard most of the insensitive comments that are posted in the blog and people still say shockingly inappropriate things even after you have brought your children home. God doesn't make mistakes (much to my 12 yr. old's dismay some days - and then we remind her of God's perfect plan) and these are OUR children. We have become a part of an adoption ministry at our church to help educate others on adoption. I believe that most comments are made without any real knowledge or understanding of infertility and adoption. <br /><br />Just weeks ago, our daughter was prevented from picking up her little brother from a church activity because 'they didn't look like each other'. WOW! Our daughter didn't even blink, but just informed the helper that they were adopted and that's why they didn't resemble one another! So glad that our kids have always known their stories.<br /><br />The comments don't stop after you have your children but it does become a little easier to handle once you have at least one child and your focus changes from how it affects you and your feelings to how it affects your child and their feelings.<br /><br />Our newest dynamic to add is our son's birthmother is now married and pregnant and eventhough our daughter has many half siblings, she is the youngest of those siblings. We'll see what new comments are made when this is added to his 'story'!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987958311213810613.post-90818688912824366892011-01-18T14:38:32.123-05:002011-01-18T14:38:32.123-05:00We have been struggling with infertility for almos...We have been struggling with infertility for almost 3 years now and the comment that I receive most is "just relax and it will happen". It's SOOOOO frustrating. It doesn't matter how much I relax - relaxation isn't going to fix the medical reason for our infertility. I have primary ovarian insufficiency (basically, I don't have a lot of eggs left and the ones I do have may or may not be good quality). <br /><br />People do mean well and I think some of the comments we all receive are just because people feel like they have to say SOMETHING but they have no idea what to say.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987958311213810613.post-65758078517793451112011-01-15T09:23:34.965-05:002011-01-15T09:23:34.965-05:00Hi, I would love to follow your blog and read abou...Hi, I would love to follow your blog and read about your cherished moments of being a mom and also your journey to adopting another child to add to your wonderful family.<br /><br />As I read the list you have compiled with your mom tears just kept coming from my heart and eyes. We've been struggeling with Infertility for a few years now and for the longest time I thought IVF was what I wanted to do but due to financial constraints we can only choose to do 1 thing..either that or international adoption. In my mind i think internatintional adoption can at least bring more hope for us to start our family. We both personally feel that a child who is not born through me is still our child. We just have so much love to give. How much of a price do i have pay to put my body thorough so much chemical drug beatings and constant failure?..just to conceive my own child? when do i start? that is the question that is on my mind constantly. Doubts is always in my mind cause friends/family constantly never know how to talk to me..i've gotten the whole realm of criticisims either through questioning or telling me what is best for us..as if we don't know..or the best is one is "oh have you heard about this great option for you to start your family??.....yes, of course not because i'm not stressed about my IF issues so therefore I don't research or read about EVERYTHING out there about options on becoming parents! There are days i wish this whole business of being IF is gone from our lives..vanished..oh and of course the best other comment is..your eggs are old--why are you so stressed..oh because you are so stressed this 4th IUI treatment did not work at all we can't even do the insemination..yes BLAME ME! coming from my infertility doctor and from my parents..you are getting so old..what are you not doing to accompllish on becoming parents...or you waited too long since you were both married..(married less than 4 years!) or even if you don't do any IF treatments you can live a life without children at all. Or have you considered surrogacy, adoption.etc etc etc...once again i hate when people think they know better than you and understand how you feel when they ABSOLUTELY DON'T!. My belief is if you don't know how to react or what to say to someone it is better to keep your mouth shut. and just listen.<br />Thanks for letting me vent in here..it has been a tough journey.butterflyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15173270739643272127noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987958311213810613.post-50043730335101577812011-01-10T22:50:37.996-05:002011-01-10T22:50:37.996-05:00I've gotten LOTS of the comments you listed. ...I've gotten LOTS of the comments you listed. But, the worst comment I've gotten wasn't about our infertility, rather about our son, who we adopted. At a playgroup, a woman said to me, "I'm sure you love him, but it's too bad you'll never know if you could love him even more if he were your own son, since you'll never have your own kids" .....WHAT!?!?!?....I'm not sure how I didn't hit her.Lindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05919062056011222584noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987958311213810613.post-60910072152679856412011-01-08T19:07:43.581-05:002011-01-08T19:07:43.581-05:00Let me just say that .. as a mom (and a grandma to...Let me just say that .. as a mom (and a grandma to an adopted granddaughter) who has experienced the personal pain and frustration of infertiliy .. and as a mother to a daughter who is now experiencing infertility, and is in the process of adopting ... I applaud the honesty you've shared on this blog. I recall so vividly the pain and frustration of my long ago experiences; and am so grateful today for hind sight. My encouragement to each of you today is ... stay strong and stay dependent on God to chart the course of your future. He will accomplish greater things than you could ever do on your own! Get your Bible out and read Jeremiah 29:11. And continue to support each other and share your victories with each other! I wish these blogs were available for me all those years ago! You are a source of strength and encouragement for each other! I will pray for each of you!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16547724465399556596noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987958311213810613.post-33549371106355771152011-01-08T11:53:11.777-05:002011-01-08T11:53:11.777-05:00I was so glad to see this post. I believe most peo...I was so glad to see this post. I believe most people are well intentioned, but unless you have dealt with infertility yourself, it is difficult to know how to respond to others going through the same. Sometimes the most important thing you can do to help someone suffering with infertility is to just LISTEN. In our two years of dealing with infertility, probably the worst comment I ever received was being told I was "selfish" and "at least I was married" by an individual when I confided in her about my suffering upon finding out a mutual friend was pregnant. <br /><br />A few months ago, we felt led by God to begin our family through adoption and I have, too, heard several times "you know you're going to get pregnant after you adopt." That may be the case, but that is not what we are putting our hope in. God has the perfect plan for creating our family and we will trust HOWEVER he chooses to make that plan come about!Jillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02928160936349883380noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987958311213810613.post-4282675569132148502011-01-07T11:25:28.352-05:002011-01-07T11:25:28.352-05:00Annonymous #1 :-) We felt the same way about IVF: ...Annonymous #1 :-) We felt the same way about IVF: your chance of bringing a baby home thru adoption us 100% and we wanted to be parents, not necessarily experience a pregnancy. I'll be praying for your journey to bring your baby home :-)<br /><br />Annonymous #2... SO glad you felt comfortable venting! I added your "you're not getting any younger" comment... I've had that one, too. Good for you for being transparent and letting people know what you're going through... that was the BIGGEST and most difficult step for me and though sometimes I regretted it, more often than not it was freeing and such a relief! I had actually missed out on a LOT of support from people who love me. I will be praying for you and your husband, too! Thanks for sharing!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15387592524234453591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987958311213810613.post-25282780957606720752011-01-07T11:15:43.377-05:002011-01-07T11:15:43.377-05:00My husband and I have been struggling with inferti...My husband and I have been struggling with infertility for a couple of years now and we have pretty much kept it a secret until recently, we have decided to share what was going on b/c people were starting to say things that were hurtful. We have been married 5 years and some people found it weird that we didn't have children. They would tell me that I'm getting old and that we couldn't wait forever and people would ask other family members if something was wrong with me. So we thought if we started telling people they would be more understanding and thoughtful. Some people have been great and super supportive others have been well intentioned but are still hurtful. I hate being told that I'm trying too hard and that when I least expect it then I will get pregnant. Thank you for letting me vent.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987958311213810613.post-77792524660007127862011-01-06T22:38:34.283-05:002011-01-06T22:38:34.283-05:00My husband and I were struggling with infertility ...My husband and I were struggling with infertility and we decided we would not proceed to IVF. We felt God calling us to adopt instead of proceeding with costly IVF. SO MANY PEOPLE said to us, "You know what is going to happen.... You are going to adopt and then you will get pregnant with 'your own baby.'" 1. We would never adopt a baby because we think that would increase our chances of conceving. 2. So, when we do adopt, how is that not "our own baby?" Some people just don't think before they speak! <br /><br />The other comments I always hear is "Well, just think about what you do have... " and "At least your married.. lots of women your age just wish they were married."<br /><br />UGH! This is a sore subject in case I've not expressed that! :) Best wishes with your next adoption! We're praying for our first adoption and hoping 2011 will be our year to bring our baby home!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987958311213810613.post-19725374111343408262011-01-06T21:13:05.354-05:002011-01-06T21:13:05.354-05:00Hi Ashley! Welcome :-) I'm adding your's t...Hi Ashley! Welcome :-) I'm adding your's to the list... I've gotten that one, too! Thanks for sharing!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15387592524234453591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987958311213810613.post-27032091109760113222011-01-06T20:58:03.938-05:002011-01-06T20:58:03.938-05:00I found your blog through Jenny's Sophieshope0...I found your blog through Jenny's Sophieshope08, I hope you don't mind. I'm sorry you are struggling with fertility. My husband and I are experiencing the same issue and I try and remember that people want to help and say something encouraging, but a lot of the time end up saying something hurtful. I think I've been told/asked 9/10 things you mentioned. One to add: Are you elevating your hips after sex for 20 min?<br /><br />~Ashley<br />ps - your daugther is cuteBrian & Ashleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04669870141616857327noreply@blogger.com