Thursday, May 3, 2012

Making Babies (If you can't handle a little TMI, just move on)

I remember the night we learned about Hannah....

We had met Hannah's First Mom when she was a day overdue... we had plans to meet her again the next day but she cancelled about 2 hours before our meeting.

We were devastated.

Our agency told us to move on... "your baby is around the corner... this just wasn't him/her!"

10 days later we learned her reason for cancelling...

She was in labor.

Ok, fine. You are allowed to cancel a meeting if you're in labor.... but that's the ONLY reason!!


Hannah was 10 days old when we met her First Mom for the second time and her First Father for the first time. We spent 2 hours getting to know each other ... then they went to dinner to talk and we went...


At 9:23pm that night my phone rang...

"If you and Joey can be at the agency office tomorrow morning at 10, you can pick up your baby girl!"

Hmmm.... nope, sorry. We're busy.


Our agency had/has fairly strict rules about who you can/can't tell when you receive placement of a baby... relinquishment in NC gives birth-parents 7 days to change their mind after placing their baby so the thought is that the less people who know, the less painful it will be if they do, in fact change their minds.

I admit... it's a tough rule to follow on one of the greatest, most waited for days of your life!

But, they've been successfully building families for 30 years and well, they know the ropes and we followed them.

But of course we called our moms :-)

I distinctly remember calling my mom that night. We spent about 5 minutes laughing and crying and then I panicked and realized that I had to clean the house, run to WalMart for all of the necessities, put the car seat in the car, wash some baby clothes, and so much more before 10am.

As we neared the end of our chat my Mom said,

"Lindsay, those things will take care of themselves. Your house will get messy with a baby in it, the clothes will pile up no matter how much you try to stay on top of them, and a baby needs only a place to sleep, food to eat, and a mommy and daddy to love her. Tonight, you need to get a good night's sleep...and you and Joey need to spend time together making your daughter."

I know, I know... it sounds completely wrong coming from anyone, much less from your Mom but her words have stuck with me for 3.5 years now. 

Mom and Dad suffered through infertility while trying to have what ended up being me ;-) so anything my Mom says to me comes from a place in her that truly 'gets it' and because of that, I take her words to heart... and I rarely forget them.

I've spent a lot of time recently thinking about 'making babies.' The phrase just means something different for those of us who have traveled through infertility.... at any level.

Can we be honest?
(of course we can... it is MY blog, after all ;-))

It doesn't matter if you have been given a life-sentence of never bearing children or if you've been given an 'umbrella diagnosis' of "I have no idea what's wrong with you".... every time you have sex with your husband/wife you wonder,

"Will I get pregnant this time?"

"What if the Dr's are wrong?"

"2 weeks from now I will be peeing on a stick no matter what 'just in case!'"

"What if we're making a baby RIGHT NOW?!?!"

"I should elevate my hips just to be safe!"

Am I right?

Because miracles DO happen! And people who never thought they would, get pregnant every day! And  WHY NOT YOU!??!?

I'm not sure why yet but all of this has been running through my head lately but here's what I've finally concluded from it all...

In the past 6 years that Joey and I have been have been married and have been having sex, we have made...

Over 40 babies!!!

I'm serious.

We timed sex correctly every month for 3 years and off and on for 3 years after that.

We've done NOTHING wrong in our efforts to conceive.

We've temped and charted and rhythm-ed and elevated and lubed and ...

well, you get it.


Our babies have been made. They won't come from our physical makeup.... our DNA. They won't inherit our traits or our ailments.

But they have been made by us... over and over and over again.

They have been created over and over and over again with love and intention and determination and prayer.

So while our babies won't come from our flesh, they were still made by us.

I got off the phone with my mom that night and I ran to Target, Joey's mom ran to WalMart, and my mom ran to both. I came home and cleaned like a mad-woman. Joey carefully and diligently installed the infant seat in the car. I washed clothes. He set up the pack n' play. We both got in bed.

We prayed. We cried. We dreamed.

And we went to bed....

because our daughter, our baby-girl had been created by us over and over and over again.

So here we are in our second 'wait' and while the thoughts are the same every time we make love (and probably always will be), the end result remains the same, too...

Baby Smith #2 already exists in our hearts and mind and bodies.


Now we're just waiting for him/her to fill our arms.


  1. Wow!! What an incredible post!! I am also an adoptive mom. Have 6 kids. 4 which are adopted...I forget which 4! Ha! No seriously I suffered through years of infertility and many, many procedures. Your post was refreshing to me!! A bit about me...I found your link through Kelly's Korner. My name is Karyn. I'm just new to the blogging world...wish I had of started years ago! I am a SAHM of 6, from Cananada. I'm looking forward to reading more of your posts. I will definately be following your journey :-)

  2. Oh my goodness, have been following you blog since you linked up with Kelly's Korner along with my blog, and I know we've never met... but I seriously just teared up. :) Such a beautiful post that speaks straight to my heart.

  3. Hi, Lindsay from Charlotte! I'm Sherry from Charlotte! Your words are so beautiful and so true. What you and your husband have is obviously very special...hold on tight to it! I have a special place in my heart for adoption...I was adopted at the age of 7 along with my biological brother who was already a teenager! Yes, our parents were pretty extraordinary...who would take on a 7 year old and a teenager at the same time? They met us at a local church children's home where they ministered and worked as house parents. My mom was never able to bear children either. I will never take the ability to bear children for granted. She really enjoyed getting to be there for the birth of my children so I hope that helped make up a little of what she lost. Good luck on the "birth" of your next child! I'll be watching for the joyful news!

  4. Hi, I'm Wendy from NC on Kelly's Corner. This post is like nothing I've ever read before. Thank you for having the courage to post it. Making babies, nurturing them, helping them be who God wants them to be, starts with you. You are doing what you can to strengthen the bond that will make it all worthwhile, that will make it all work. The blessing you will find from this strength will be strong, centered children. Thank you for this!

  5. Oh my!! I LOVE all of these comments.. thanks, ladies ;-)

    Karyn~ I LOVE that you said you don't remember which of your sweet babies are adopted... I have 1 so far and I forget all the time :-)

    JustJen~ Thank you, friend.... I'm loving your posts lately, too!

    Sherry~ I can't wait to catch up on your story... how amazing!

    Wendy~ Your comment made me smile.... being 'this' open is nerve-wracking sometimes but I wish I had had some of this to read in the middle of our infertility journey ;-) Thanks for your encouragement!

    Amy~ Thanks for commenting... we are deeply in love with our one and can't wait to find number 2 ;-)

    All my love, ladies!


  6. Hello Lindsay,

    I know this post is from forever ago but I HAD to comment. This is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read in my life.

    I completely agree with you. As a fellow infertile and future adoptive mommy, I absolutely love the way you look at adoption and plan to "adopt" your same point of view :)

    You are an amazing woman!!!

    1. Hi Channell!

      In light of the last year, I've spent a lot of time lately reading back through some of my older posts.... and I have NO IDEA why I'm just now seeing your sweet comment :-/

      I don't know where you are in your adoption journey, or if it's started yet but I prayed for you tonight....

      thank you for your comment! I know you posted a while ago but it made my night tonight :-)



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