I remember the night we learned about Hannah....
We had met Hannah's First Mom when she was a day overdue... we had plans to meet her again the next day but she cancelled about 2 hours before our meeting.
We were devastated.
Our agency told us to move on... "your baby is around the corner... this just wasn't him/her!"
10 days later we learned her reason for cancelling...
She was in labor.
Ok, fine. You are allowed to cancel a meeting if you're in labor.... but that's the ONLY reason!!
Hannah was 10 days old when we met her First Mom for the second time and her First Father for the first time. We spent 2 hours getting to know each other ... then they went to dinner to talk and we went...
At 9:23pm that night my phone rang...
"If you and Joey can be at the agency office tomorrow morning at 10, you can pick up your baby girl!"
Hmmm.... nope, sorry. We're busy.
Our agency had/has fairly strict rules about who you can/can't tell when you receive placement of a baby... relinquishment in NC gives birth-parents 7 days to change their mind after placing their baby so the thought is that the less people who know, the less painful it will be if they do, in fact change their minds.
I admit... it's a tough rule to follow on one of the greatest, most waited for days of your life!
But, they've been successfully building families for 30 years and well, they know the ropes and we followed them.
But of course we called our moms :-)
I distinctly remember calling my mom that night. We spent about 5 minutes laughing and crying and then I panicked and realized that I had to clean the house, run to WalMart for all of the necessities, put the car seat in the car, wash some baby clothes, and so much more before 10am.
As we neared the end of our chat my Mom said,
"Lindsay, those things will take care of themselves. Your house will get messy with a baby in it, the clothes will pile up no matter how much you try to stay on top of them, and a baby needs only a place to sleep, food to eat, and a mommy and daddy to love her. Tonight, you need to get a good night's sleep...and you and Joey need to spend time together making your daughter."
I know, I know... it sounds completely wrong coming from anyone, much less from your Mom but her words have stuck with me for 3.5 years now.
Mom and Dad suffered through infertility while trying to have what ended up being me ;-) so anything my Mom says to me comes from a place in her that truly 'gets it' and because of that, I take her words to heart... and I rarely forget them.
I've spent a lot of time recently thinking about 'making babies.' The phrase just means something different for those of us who have traveled through infertility.... at any level.
Can we be honest?
(of course we can... it is MY blog, after all ;-))
It doesn't matter if you have been given a life-sentence of never bearing children or if you've been given an 'umbrella diagnosis' of "I have no idea what's wrong with you".... every time you have sex with your husband/wife you wonder,
"Will I get pregnant this time?"
"What if the Dr's are wrong?"
"2 weeks from now I will be peeing on a stick no matter what 'just in case!'"
"What if we're making a baby RIGHT NOW?!?!"
"I should elevate my hips just to be safe!"
Am I right?
Because miracles DO happen! And people who never thought they would, get pregnant every day! And WHY NOT YOU!??!?
I'm not sure why yet but all of this has been running through my head lately but here's what I've finally concluded from it all...
In the past 6 years that Joey and I have been have been married and have been having sex, we have made...
Over 40 babies!!!
We timed sex correctly every month for 3 years and off and on for 3 years after that.
We've done NOTHING wrong in our efforts to conceive.
We've temped and charted and rhythm-ed and elevated and lubed and ...
well, you get it.
Our babies have been made. They won't come from our physical makeup.... our DNA. They won't inherit our traits or our ailments.
But they have been made by us... over and over and over again.
They have been created over and over and over again with love and intention and determination and prayer.
So while our babies won't come from our flesh, they were still made by us.
I got off the phone with my mom that night and I ran to Target, Joey's mom ran to WalMart, and my mom ran to both. I came home and cleaned like a mad-woman. Joey carefully and diligently installed the infant seat in the car. I washed clothes. He set up the pack n' play. We both got in bed.
We prayed. We cried. We dreamed.
And we went to bed....
because our daughter, our baby-girl had been created by us over and over and over again.
So here we are in our second 'wait' and while the thoughts are the same every time we make love (and probably always will be), the end result remains the same, too...
Baby Smith #2 already exists in our hearts and mind and bodies.
Now we're just waiting for him/her to fill our arms.