Wednesday, May 8, 2013

To the Hopeful Mama that was Me not too Long Ago on Mother's Day....

Mother's Day means so much to me.

Not because it's a Hallmark Holiday or because I get presents and special treatment.
It's special to me because I'm a mom...

And there was a day not too long ago, when I wasn't.

I've spent time this week remembering what my life looked like on Mother's Day almost 6 years ago....

I remember.... I didn't want to get out of bed that morning. Couldn't we just skip that day?!

I remember going to church.... being immersed in a sermon about the joys of motherhood and the crucial role they play in everyone's lives.

I remember... cringing when each mom received a beautiful rose at the end of the sermon.

I remember my students.... and the sweet cards they made for their moms.

That morning, 6 years ago... I did get out of bed. I went to church. I listened intently as our Pastor's wife talked about motherhood. And I walked quietly by the dozens of baskets overflowing with roses.

I remember walking into the restroom and finally letting myself cry.

A friend once told me how 'impressed' she was at my strength throughout our infertility journey and she wondered how I handled it all without a 'why me?!' attitude.

That morning? 'Why me' was my cry.

This week? This Mother's Day?

I get a Mother's Day.

I don't care about presents or flowers or even roses at church....

I'm a mom.

And that's enough for me.... (though, I better get a handmade card ;-))

But here's the thing...

I still have that same question....

Why ME?!

This year, it's a little different;

Why am I the one who gets breakfast in bed?!

Why in the world would there be a sermon that is dedicated to ME... to the role and 'job' that God has called me to do?!

What did I do to deserve that rose on my way out of church?!


Who has taken my place in the church restroom...?

I will never forget that Mother's Day Sunday, 6 years ago. It is forever etched in my memory and I truly hope it does stay for good.


To the Hopeful-Mama that was me not too long ago, on this Mother's Day....

Get out of bed. There's at least one woman in your life who you need to celebrate this Sunday. You wouldn't be who you are without her... and you won't be the Mama you're GOING TO BE without her, either.

 Go to church. Listen to that sermon and don't forget a single word... you're going to need every one of them etched in YOUR heart one day soon.

Walk by the flowers with your head held high.... that flower will be wilted and forgotten by morning. YOUR hope and YOUR future are still in God's hands, whether it's Mother's Day or just another Sunday.

And please know this....

I don't know if you'll be reading this from a distance or if you'll be the woman sitting next to me at church.... but YOU are not forgotten.

Society has convinced us that Mother's Day is a celebration of TODAY'S moms but...

Is the Mama who lost her baby exempt just because her baby isn't with her on Mother's Day?!

What about the Mama who placed her only baby for adoption.... who sacrificed her many days of Motherhood to give him/her a life bigger and better than the one she could provide... who gave another Hopeful Mama her Mother's Day?!

The Mama who's children were taken from her. The Mama who outlived her child and is now just 'Gramma'....

The Mama who isn't quite a Mama yet but who's heart has been one forever.

You fit right in. No matter what society says... you ARE a Mama. A Hopeful Mama.

Spend Sunday celebrating the women in your life who have influenced you so positively that there's nothing in the world you'd rather be than a Mama, yourself....

And then, when the celebrating is over... do something that you've gone the distance to avoid for so long;

Let yourself dream.

Mother's Day for a Hopeful Daddy is tough, too.... Joey didn't know what to do to help me on that Sunday 5 years ago.

If you have a 'Joey', bring him into your dream.... take a few minutes over dessert or a glass of wine to plan your nursery, to talk about names, to express to each other what your perfect Mother's or Father's Day would look like...


Maybe you're single and in your mid-30's wondering every day if you'll ever meet the 'one' who can make you a Mama.. maybe you're ready to be a Mama but your husband isn't quite ready to be a Daddy.... maybe you're in the middle of that dreaded first year of trying to get pregnant... maybe you've started infertility treatments... maybe you've had a miscarriage or a still birth... maybe your marriage just ended right when your heart was ready to be a mama... maybe you just submitted your adoption application... maybe you're 'waiting'....

Let your Mother's Day be a celebration of the HOPE you have as a Hopeful Mama.
And know this...

You're not alone. You're not forgotten. And one day...

You'll get that handmade card from your baby.

Don't miss one second of this Mother's Day.....

It will one day be a memory that you will try to remember forever because that day is what will make every one of your Mother's Days as a Mama even more special than breakfast in bed, presents, special treatment, sermons about motherhood, and roses.

You'll be a Mama and you'd do it all over again if you had to ...

because that's what makes every day YOUR Mother's Day.

Me.... a once Hopeful and now Mama


  1. Love this post! This year will be my first Mother's Day as a Mom and I can totally relate. :)

  2. For over 25years I suffered every Mother's day. You'll be next friends said early on. I quit going to church on Mother's Day around year 15. I still honored my mom and grandma's but had little joy. No joy. Three years ago was my first Mother's day!!! What a joy ever since!

  3. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in the whole "going to church and crying in the bathroom on mother's day" thing. I've been trying to become a mama for 5 years now. It's been a tough 5 years. But this story, and your thoughts made me think of that"dreadful day" in a different light. Thank you for your sweet words!

  4. Thank you for remembering those of us who want so badly to be a mom but aren't even in a relationship. We're often forgotten and I appreciate so much that you included us. Happy Mother's Day to you!

  5. I appreciated this post so much! I had a friend recommend your blog to me, and it has been such a blessing. I just watched your video of your story and it was like listening to my own. I also have always just known that adoption would most likely be my only option (and what a glorious option it is!) and thankfully I have a husband who is on board with adopting. This has also been a great encouragement in this time of a looming endometriosis diagnosis. Thank you for sharing so openly about your journey.

  6. Beautifully written... Just became a mom 5 days ago to my gorgeous daughter that we are in the process of adopting. Not a day will go by that I won't remember And pray for the women who gave birth to her and the precious gots she gave us. Not just our baby girl but to be there live and in person to witness her birth... Hugs to all the hopeful moms, don't give up and be good to yourself.


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