For those of you who missed What Not To Say;
Part I &
Part II, catch up first (and comment and add to them, if you want!), and then come back here for Part III :-)
Parts I & II were geared more toward infertility but I'm dedicating Part III to the topic of adoption. I guess a good subtitle would be...
How To Piss Off An Adoptive Parent
:-)
I know, I know... it sounds harsh. The truth is, someone cannot be blamed for ignorance. I do believe that, as hopeful, soon-to-be, or current parents (or grand-parents or friends or family, etc.) through adoption, we have an obligation to educate people to the best of our ability before we can blame them or get angry at them for saying inappropriate things... and that applies to any situation. Most of the time people have very pure intentions, they just don't know the appropriate words to use or how to ask... that's where we come in!
Adoption is a topic and process that many just don't understand and if you're one of those people.... guess what?! I (and lots of my readers) LOVE educating and teaching and talking about adoption! Lucky you ;-)
We have been on the receiving end of most of these comments. Yes, they were said (in most cases) by people who just didn't have much adoption-knowledge or experience to pull from and yes, we took every opportunity to educate and nicely correct the improper terms or inappropriate questions.... but they still stung :-/
Here we go!
What Not To Say To An Adoptive Parent
1. "How much did you pay for her?"
2. "Don't you ever want your own children?"
3. "She is so lucky to have you."
4. "You already have one beautiful child, isn't it a little selfish to want more kids when it's so hard to get them?"
5. "How often do you talk to her mom and dad?"
6. Do you think you can love him/her as much as a real parents loves their child?
~ Thanks, Misty!
8. "Where is he/she from?"
~ Thanks, Amelia!
9. "He/she's so cute.... why didn't his/her mom want her baby?"
~ Thanks, Amelia!
10. "He/She doesn't look anything like you!"
~ Thanks, Brooke
11. "I think it's completely selfish that you didn't nurse your daughter when she was an infant."
~ Thanks, Erin!
10.... Your turn! I know there are lots more so leave a comment and I'll add to the list!
Are you a hopeful, soon-to-be, or current parent through adoption? What have people said to you in the process that has stung just a bit, whether it was intentional or not (if it's not listed, I'll add it!)? How did you respond to them? Have you been on the receiving end of any of the comments listed? How did or would you respond?
I LOVE posts like this so like always, take this opportunity to share and help others' understand what's appropriate and what hurts. I'll post a follow-up soon with some appropriate responses as our list grows!
