Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Not just another day....

The pain of losing our precious #3 will always be fresh ... it will always hurt... and we will always miss him/her. 

People say that the pain lessens....

I just don't think so.

And I don't want it to.... I will hold on to whatever tiny pieces of that baby for as long as I live... it's all I have.

Our #3's due date will forever be a day on our calendar that brings me so much pain... and also so much hope.

Because we will see our #3 again.

Losing our #3 was a process... he/she just didn't want to let go... I bled for weeks but ultra-sound after ultra-sound would show that tiny, faintly fluttering heart beat...

the one that never got stronger.

And then it stopped.

I'll never forget 'that' ultra-sound... my world collapsed. 

We had never even HOPED to experience a home-grown baby...

and then this precious baby we had never even allowed ourselves to hope for was being ripped from our grasp.

Tomorrow is our #3's second due-date-birthday... 


It's the day we conceived our #3...

our precious Abe.

Our #4.



Tomorrow will hurt... it will be full of painful memories and tears and 'what ifs' and 'should have beens'... but it will also be full of the babies Jesus let me keep here with me... the ones he gave me to hold...

the ones that are simply On Loan From Heaven....

until we can all be together again.