Thursday, September 22, 2011

On This Day, My Sweet Girl...

My sweet sweet Hannah.... our baby-girl,

You're turning 3 years old today and I just can't wrap my head around how fast time has flown by. Here in your third year of life, it is very important that you know just how much you are loved... and wanted... and prayed for... not only by us and your grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends, but by your first families, too. The number of people who love you and pray for you stretches across oceans and hearts and time and families... to the moon and back. THAT, my precious girl, is how special you are!

You are so many things to me and your Daddy... here are just a few;

                                                                                                                    You are prayed for...


 You are silly and goofy...

You are memorable...

                                                                              You are slightly mischievous...

You are a princess, daughter to a King...

You are a Daddy's girl...


  • You're a Mommy's girl, too....

You are a friend...

  • You are strong and independent...

You are unrepeatable....

     HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HANNAH! You are LOVED on this day and every day!

Thursday, September 15, 2011

'It Just Wasn't God's Plan...."

"It just wasn't God's plan."

God spoke to me a couple weekends ago. I mean, loud and clear, I heard His voice in my heart for the first time in a long time. He told me to do something....

And I wanted to. With everything in my heart, I wanted to.

But I didn't.

I let other people's thoughts and feelings change what I KNEW and HEARD in my heart.... so even though I listened and heard, I didn't obey.

It didn't take long for me to realize that what I did was ignore and disobey.

I have beat myself up for almost 2 weeks... I regret not obeying, I'm angry that I let other people claim to be more 'realistic' and 'factual' and led me to believe that I was being 'emotional'. And when I finally got around to explaining my disobedience and how bad I felt, this is what I got...

"It just wasn't God's plan. We did all we could. He has a better plan."

But then why does God talk about disobedience in His Word? Why was the term created?

BECAUSE... WE HAVE THE CHOICE TO OBEY OR DISOBEY. We can listen or ignore. We can act or stand by and wait and watch. We can GO or we can STAY.

I disobeyed, and I ignored, and I stood by and waited and watched, and I stayed.

I think too many times, us as Christians use this phrase as an excuse. Of course we have the best intentions... of course. But we still have choices... God gave us choices. And the truth is, we have the freedom to make the WRONG choices.... and that's what I did. I make the wrong choice.

I believe fully in God's ultimate plan for our lives. I trust that His plan is far greater than my own (even though my own is pretty darn good ;-)).

BUT... there's always a 'but'... I also believe that we can miss opportunities and choose to ignore His voice, His prodding.

Wanna know something funny?

My Daddy is my hero. I love him more than I can even explain. He's my Daddy. If my Daddy tells me to do something... I do it. No if's, and's, or but's. If he tells me how he feels about something, I consider, and I pray, and I process, and I take it seriously. He's my Daddy!

But I have a Heavenly Father, too. HE told me to do something a couple weeks ago and I all I did was give him my if's, and's, or but's.

How do you reconcile between what we know... "God's plan is better than our own. This just wasn't His plan for us"... and what we CHOOSE to ignore.

It's disobedience. I disobeyed. I regret it.

I also know that His plan will reign supreme... no matter if I choose to obey or disobey.

I learned a lesson in the past 2 weeks.... listening and obeying (no matter the backlash from those around you) is NEVER something you will regret. Even if things don't turn out the way you planned, you will never regret listening and obeying.

I want us all to stop using "It just wasn't God's plan" as an excuse. Sometimes it's true and sometimes it's a nice way of saying "I heard you and I chose to disobey you, God. I'm sorry."

(Man, that's tough to say.)

The thing is... everything would have changed if I had only obeyed. Whether the plan came to fruition or the doors closed and we knew for sure that we had done everything we could... everything would have changed.

There's no excuse for disobeying God's voice. Lesson learned.

The hard way :-/

Thursday, September 8, 2011

URGENT~ Human Tissue

I woke up this morning, opened my cold Diet Coke, stepped outside to get the newspaper, and was greeted by this.....

A 15 pound box containing human tissue.

(Wow. Never thought I'd say that.)

We've had a crappy week and it's surprisingly fitting that it would end with human tissue on our front porch.

The best part?!?!

I called the company to tell them that their 'tissue' went to the wrong house, in the wrong city, in the wrong zip-code, and the customer service rep said,

"Would you please open the box and tell me what you see?"

And I said,

 "HA! Over my dead body!"

It's still there waiting to be picked up by UPS and it's driving me crazy. I open the door every 10 minutes to see if it's still there...

Yep. Still there.

It's been there for 10 hours now.... on dry ice. It was mailed yesterday afternoon.... how long does dry ice last?!?!

The ONLY thing I can think of that is WORSE than human tissue sitting on your front porch is RANCID HUMAN TISSUE sitting on your front porch!!!

Yep. Still there :-/

Thursday, September 1, 2011

For the Love of a Biological Child...

I love my acupuncturist... she's vocal about her love for Jesus and has a way of making you feel relaxed and calm in her presence. She's truly wonderful and I look forward to seeing her every week!

But (there's always a 'but')....

I go to Acupuncture as a way to manage my Endometriosis and had to give her a run-down of my medical history at my first appointment... I take EVERY opportunity I can get to tell people about Hannah and our journey in bringing her home (it's just my favorite story in the world... so far ;-)) so I took about 5 quick minutes to share it with her. We get lots of reactions, as most people do, to our adoption story and 99.9% of them are encouraging and enthusiastic... it IS a story of hope and miracles and answered prayer, after all and I'm positive that I portray it as such! 

 Jean's response was a first....

"I just hope that one day you're able to experience the deep love and bond that a mother can have for her biological child."

Oh. My. Goodness.


I stumbled my way through what I felt was more of a defense than an explanation... I was caught completely off-guard. What are you supposed to SAY to that?! If that was added to our list of What Not To Say, I'm sorry but I don't have any appropriate response....

 I love my child more than I could ever imagine loving someone? She was hand chosen for us by God and the love and appreciation we have for her is unlike any other? I've never felt a desire for a biological connection to my child... I've just always desired to be a Mom?

I stumbled through a combination of those and probably many more but ultimately, I ended with this;

"How many children do you have?"

Her answer???

"Oh, I don't have any kids... it was just never in my plan."