Something is really bothering me today and I thought maybe you could help...maybe?
I'm having so much trouble today distinguishing "God's plan" from "I really want this and since it's here, I know it's got to be God's plan but what if it's really just my plan and I'm using Him as an excuse to make myself feel better because I want this so badly?"
I know the Scriptures...
Romans 8:28- And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.
Jeremiah 29:11- For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Proverbs 3:5- Trust the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.
And so many more....
Verses; God's words to us that are meant to soothe and calm and give our hearts peace and give us direction for our lives...
But today, friends, those verses sound like excuses to me. They sound like reasons to not think about things that might not be fun to think about or to not do something that feels uncomfortable, even though 'steps of faith' ARE uncomfortable... they sound like a reason to just keep 'waiting on God's plan'...
but at what point do we STOP waiting and START trusting that THIS, this moment in time, this surprise job opportunity or adoption situation or financial pitfall or relationship is EXACTLY what God's plan is??!!
At what point do we stop waiting? At what point do we allow ourselves to switch from a 'waiting' mindset to an 'okay, so this is God's plan and I'm going to accept it no matter how uncomfortable it feels' mindset?
When do we stop using Scipture as an 'excuse'... a reason not to think about tough stuff or take a 'step of faith' that OF COURSE feels uncomfortable, otherwise it would be EASY?
When do you decide to quit your job that is perfectly good to take another one that *might* be better?
When do you stop passing on adoption situations because of finances or risk or fear and take a leap and say 'yes'... even though 'yes' doesn't feel really good yet?
When do you decide to place your baby for adoption... even though you KNOW that adoption isn't what feels right or comfortable for you and it doesn't even make sense that losing your baby could possibly be God's plan?
When do you stop waiting for your bank account to read a certain number and decide that NOW is when you'll start planning your family?
When do you stop waiting for your house to sell and decide to put an offer in on the one of your dreams?
When do you decide to give up on infertility treatments and pursue adoption or just accept that kids 'aren't in God's plan'?
How do you take your 'steps of faith'? How do you know that they ARE steps of faith and not steps of stupidity?
And when you do take those steps, how do you know that you're not just being a complete and utter idiot??
Yes, the Lord has plans for us... but don't we have the ability as the imperfect humans we are, to post-pone that plan because of our disobedience?
No, He won't give us more than we can handle.... but don't we always handle whatever it is, even when we don't think we can?
Yes, we are called to trust Him and He promises to guide our path... but when do you decide that a 'step of faith' that sounds ridiculously risky is in fact, a step of faith?
When do you know that you have completely shut out the human rationale and know that your heart and mind and thoughts are in line with God's?
What does that feel like? How do you get to that point?
I know I've done this before, friends... I've trusted Him and I've taken those 'steps of faith' and obviously, they have all turned out... well, in line with God's plan.
But when you're standing at the fork, faced with a decision to turn left or turn right, those memories of steps of faith in the past don't really stand at the fore-front of your mind....
Because really, we've all done DUMB stuff and when it's all said and done and we're looking back on the dumb process, it's called a "Step of Faith"... isn't it?
It becomes part of 'God's plan', even though it started out as a stupid idea or decision.
It turns into a story of our "deep faith and trust in God's plan" even though we fought tooth and nail every step of the way.
Don't we always look back and say, "Oh yeah... it all makes sense now! I see exactly why we did that and those things happened and how God was getting us to this point!"
Can't we turn every future possibility into, "Well of course this is where we are... look at what has happened and has led us to this point!"
But then.... doesn't that just sound like an excuse? Doesn't it feel like we're using God as a reason to trust or not trust, to obey or disobey, or .....
So today I need to know... I need to understand... and I'll probably need plenty of reminders throughout my life... but I'm praying that soon...
I will know what it means to take a real 'step of faith' and not a real stupid step of doubt.
What helps you? What feelings or verses or 'ah-ha' moments do you look for to guide you to 'faith' and not 'stupidity'?
This blog has been awfully quiet. Hope all is well with you and that you found peace with what you were wrestling with in this post.ReplyDelete