Monday, February 13, 2012

If I Was a First Mom

If I Was a First Mom
(to the tune of "If I Was A Rich Girl... na na nananana nanananana" ;-))...

~ I would ask potential adoptive parents,

"How do you fight or argue? How do you resolve conflict in your marriage? What are your views on marriage or parent/ child counseling?"

~ It would be important for me to know,

"How do you handle your finances? Do you share or split responsibility? Do you have a monthly budget?"

~ I'd ask them for honesty,

"How do you plan to discipline your children? Should each child be disciplined the same way? How do you feel about spanking? At what point is spanking taken too far?"

~ I would want to know,

"How will you respond if your child grows up to have different values than the one's you raised them on (concerning education, religion, sexual preference, political), "

~ It was important to me growing up...

"If possible, do you plan to financially support your child financially if they choose to attend college/ trade school/ community college?"

~ I'd ask,

"If at some point your child begins making decisions that are negatively affecting them or those around them, what means of intervention are you comfortable with in your role as parent (forced intervention for a minor, wilderness camps, boarding school, sending your child to live with a family member, reporting drug/alcohol/physical abuse to authorities, etc.)?"

~ I would need to know,

"When do you plan on telling your children their adoption stories? How will you tell them?"

~ They would have to say 'yes' to,"

"I'd like to write my baby letters as he/she gets older... of course they'll be letters you can read, as well. How/when would you share those letters with your child?"

~ I'd love to be able to...

"I would enjoy sending gifts on special Holidays. Is that something you're comfortable with?"

~ We'd have an open adoption....

"I know that we have set specific guidelines for the contact and openness we'll have as he/she gets older and there is NO wrong answer to this question, I just appreciate having those guidelines and expectations in place early on; what would you consider as being too open or being too much contact (birthday parties, school events, baptism, Holidays, texts, phone calls)?"


I've learned so so much this year from all of the moms we've met. Some of these questions came from their insight and some are just questions that I WISH a mom would ask us... the questions that dig deep, that force you(as potential AP's) to really think and consider the future. I'm not even sure there's a 'right' answer to these questions. Yeah yeah, home studies cover lots of stuff but moms don't see those (although, we did have one Mom ask to see our's, and we were happy to share it with her). When you're talking to a specific mom, you have to consider a life long relationship with them... a forever relationship. While we're not right for every baby, we're also not right for every First Mom. Anyone can look good in pictures but I've been amazed at the depth and insight of moms who aren't afraid to ask some hard questions... we could be raising their child, after-all.

If you're an expectant mom and you're considering adoption for your baby, ask away! Don't be intimidated by families that look 'better' or 'more able' than you.... . you have time and you're allowed to ask questions.

1 comment:

  1. I wish I had asked some of those questions a yar ago :-(


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