If you're new to What Not To Say posts, feel free to browse through our previous 4;
~ Part II: WNTS to Friends of 'Infertile' Couples
How To Piss Off WNTS to an Adoptive Parent
Part IV; WNTS to a First Parent
(Feel free to add your comments, too if you have more to add to any of our lists!)
And now for Part V:
What Not To Say To A Waiting Adoptive Parent;
So, it's true; we are waiting adoptive parents... again. Maybe that's where this post is coming from ;-)
In the past week ALONE, I have been on the receiving end of every single comment listed below.... the thing is; every single person who made these comments was in the middle of offering me their unconditional support and encouragement as our second wait continues to drag on. They were said out of kindness and there is no doubt in my mind that each person loves me, is praying for me, and wants to meet Baby Smith #2 just as much as we do ... ok, maybe not exactly as much (pretty sure that's not possible unless we're talking about Baby Smith #2's grandmas, Nee & Ghee ;-))
This important thing to remember about this list is that, contrary to previous WNTS posts, I am in the middle of this one... and we've been here for a while. These comments piss me off, true but the people who said them DO NOT piss me off.... if ever I needed their encouragement and support, it's now. They have helped me get this far and they will help me get further... hopefully not TOO much further :-/
We had a busy weekend..... a baby boy was born in a state far away from us but we were one of the 2 couples that his parents wanted to talk to about their hopes for their precious son. We waiting all weekend on pins and needles for their call but it didn't come.... after their talk with couple #1, baby boy's mom and dad, understandably overwhelmed and anxious to place their 4 day old baby with his family, decided to go with the couple who lived closer to them... something we understand COMPLETELY!
I never thought I'd wish to live in Michigan until this weekend ;-)
After this long weekend, Joey graciously offered to stay home an extra 2 hours this morning so he could take Hannah to school, pick her up and meet me for lunch so I could have a couple extra hours to myself.... and when I'm by myself, I think. And that's not always a good thing... ;-)
(Don't I have an AMAZING husband??? Really... he's my rock. I'm a lucky girl!)
SO, this morning I reflected on these comments... thoughtful, backed by amazingly good intentions, meant to be encouraging.... and they went from those positive things to a WNTS post as soon as they reached my ear.
What Not To Say To A Waiting Adoptive Parent
(followed by my completely honest and sarcastic thought-process...)
"Just be patient a little bit longer!"
(Like I have a choice...)
"I have such a good feeling about this baby! This is your baby!"
(If this was true, I would have 9 babies after this past year...)
"You're still growing and God still have things He wants you to learn through this phase of your life."
(Huh. Pretty sure I've learned enough... and don't say it... I KNOW God is still teaching me! The second I start thinking I have learned enough is when I have the most to learn.)
"Maybe these moms think of you more as a friend and confidante rather than the mother of their child."
"When you bring your baby home, you'll look back and wish you had enjoyed being a family of 3 a little more."
(This really did piss me off... My baby is MISSING.... he/she isn't here with us... that's not something I will look back on and appreciate.... I miss having another set of First Parents in our family.... our baby-girl needs to be a big sister.... she asks me EVERY SINGLE DAY if she can be a big sister today....)
"At some point you'll look back over the past year and you'll see all of the reasons why you didn't bring a baby home before now."
(This is true. I just don't want to hear it.... :-))
YOU'RE TURN!! C'mon waiting mommies.... there are SO many of you out there (many whom I have emailed with this week :-)).... give it to me! What's your list? I'd love to add to this one :-)
Here's the Cone of Silence.... WNTS posts are judgement-free and it's the only time you're allowed to comment as 'anonymous'